At some point in our lives, all of us have been wronged by another person and felt hurt, angry or resentful. This is a natural reaction and part of being human. However, if we do not resolve or come to terms with these hurts, they drive our actions and create a negative way of life. By harboring past hurts, we have the potential to do far more harm to ourselves than anyone else can possibly do.
All illness is caused by not forgiving.
Forgiving others or yourself does not mean forgetting or condoning what happened, or giving up the values that were violated or assuming you are at fault; nor is it condemning the other person or seeking justice or compensation. Forgiveness can be viewed as foregoing the resentment or revenge when the wrongdoer�s action deserves it and giving the gifts of mercy, generosity and love when the wrongdoer does not seem to deserve them. To release the shackles of the past, we must be willing to forgive.
Forgiveness is about creating a state "for giving" both to self and others and excusing a mistake or an offense and letting go of the associated hurt, anger or resentment. Because forgiveness has the greatest benefit to the person doing the forgiving, it is one of the greatest gifts that you can give to yourself.
Forgiving allows us to get on with our lives and to open up our minds and hearts to new ways of seeing others, the world and ourselves. It releases energy that can be used for other, more productive thoughts and actions.
The writer John LeCarre once stated, “Betrayal can only happen if you love.” This is exactly what tends to make infidelity in marriage incredibly destructive for most people. All of the talk involving eternal love honor not to mention cherish were disposed of because one partner came to the conclusion cheating in a relationship is definitely what they desired and nothing else was of importance to them. Risk the actual marriage? Who cares? Let them do what they want regardless of the consequences. Besides it isn’t like they are going to get discovered.
But to their surprise you do catch them. At first your spouse starts giving you all kinds of alibis. They’ll even take a crack at a little blame shifting. Nonetheless you stand firm until finally they confess. Now the final decision is yours in regards to the outcome of this marriage. At this point you have a number of choices available and yet you have various possibilities you must certainly keep away from without exception when it comes to handling infidelity in marriage.
1. Commit Violence
You are in a blind rage for what they have put you through. No one disagrees with your right to be ticked but at no time do you have the right to actually try to injure your spouse. Violence of any kind isn’t going to solve anything and the only conclusion will likely be you standing in front of a magister trying to describe the reason why you permitted your temper get the better of the situation.
Your significant other cheating in the relationship is definitely awful enough without having both of you shelling out the extreme price for their transgression. If you are that enraged then it is best to walk away and start the divorce proceedings.
2. Run Away
You choose to avoid dealing with their unfaithfulness in every way which means you bolt out of the relationship. Should you choose to remain you make it your top priority to never broach the subject. Anytime there’s a chance the discussion to come up you put a lid on it or run to another room and lock the door. Whatever it takes not to deal with it is alright by you. That is not going to help anybody. You must get the healing process going and taking flight whenever there is a possibility the topic will come up only delays that healing.
3. Blame You And Only You
You still love your mate regardless of what they did and so you begin telling yourself the reason they were cheating in the relationship is because of you. Why oh why were you not more attentive to their needs? What could you have done differently that would have stopped them from being unfaithful?
The answer is you may have done everything right and they still strayed. And even if you didn’t do everything right that really is still no excuse for infidelity in marriage. You simply can’t take the burden for their deliberate wrongdoing. That just clears a path to not only declaring your spouse innocent of any wrongdoing but in addition gives him the means to not accept any responsibility at all. This could be all your mate needs to cheat again since they fully comprehend when push comes to shove you will gladly consent to the responsibility.
The days of being single can be filled with joy or despair, depending on how you view them. But the choice is really up to you. You can choose to be happy and enjoy your alone time, or you can choose to be lonely and upset and sit and wait for your prince or princess to come along. The choice is up to you, but wouldn't you rather be happy?
The way to be happy when you are single is to understand what there is to be happy about! If you can't think of anything then you are spending way too much time thinking about what you are missing out on instead of what you are receiving by being single.
The point is you need to shift your focus. Your focus is powerful. It can cause you to be happy or be miserable depending on where you put it. If you focus on how lonely you are then you are going to see nothing but loneliness. If you focus on how sad you are then you are going to see nothing but sadness. But if you shift your focus onto some other positive emotion, like lucky, then you are going to focus on how lucky you are!
1 Huge Thing to Be Happy About When You Are Single
Try to turn your attention away from the loneliness or desire to have someone for a while and start focusing on this following word instead: Freedom.
Your freedom is something worth focusing on! You can do what you want, when you want, without having to answer to a partner. Freedom is something to enjoy and take advantage of! If you didn't have your freedom you would miss it, but you can't see that because you're so busy waiting to give up your total freedom.
Freedom gives you the independence to do what you want to do to benefit you. For instance, if you feel like you are getting a headache and you don't feel like going out to the grocery store then you have the choice to stay in, but in a relationship you have to give and take. You can't demand to stay in because you don't 'feel' like going out, especially if you have no groceries and your partner is hungry and can't go themselves. There are a million examples like this.
Be happy that you have complete and total freedom right now. It's not that you will lose your freedom
completely when you are in a relationship, but there will be much more compromising going on when you are. Enjoy the ability to: Do what you want Go where you want Eat what you want Say what you want Act the way you want
You also have the freedom to discover who you really are and what makes you truly happy in life without having to take someone else's life into consideration. When you get into a relationship you are often influenced by your partners likes, dislikes, and beliefs. They can cause you to rethink your own likes, dislikes, and beliefs - especially if you are not sure what they are to begin with.
A lot of young people get into a relationship and find they don't know who THEY truly are when they are older because they never had a chance to discover themselves without influence. This is the great thing about single right now, you can take the time to figure out who you are! This is something that you should appreciate as it will make you a much stronger partner when you do get into a relationship.
Take this time to figure out what you really enjoy and where you really want to go in life. You have no one influencing your dreams and desires with theirs, so take advantage of it! Dream big and go after those dreams.
Remember that in order to be happy while you are single, you have to shift your focus to things that are worth being happy about. Freedom is the ultimate thing to appreciate when you are single. Take a look around and figure out what type of freedom you are happy about.
Adultery is assumed to belong to a realm of casual contact. Adultery is devastating to any marriage, regardless of the circumstances. Adultery is a reaction to abuse, and it is a tool of abuse.
Recent surveys have revealed that 45% of women and 55% of men have been guilty of committing adultery.
Of course these are just the ones who have admitted to it or have been caught so the real numbers must be considerably higher.
There are different areas in their marriages that those surveyed found lacking. 65% of those who admitted to committing adultery said that they lacked sexual intimacy so they chose to look for it elsewhere. 20% claimed that the emotional side of their relationship was lacking, whilst the rest cited physiological needs as the reasons for their dishonesty.
So with these staggering adultery statistics don't you think it's in your best interests to know what the main reasons for it are? You should never be complacent in your own marriage because these figures demonstrate that adultery is not just something that happens to someone else.
Whether it's one night stands or long term affairs it's quite clear from these alarming figures that everyone has the capability to cheat on their partner.
Research reveals that there are 5 main reasons for adultery. These are:
Yes, lonely and in a relationship. It's not a contradiction in terms. Do you spend a lot of time away from home? Do you concentrate more on your career than on your loved one? Perhaps you simply prefer to spend more time with your friends than with your partner.
If these are symptomatic of your behaviour, then perhaps you owe it to yourself to ask what's wrong with your relationship. The problem with committing adultery is that it can make you both feel bad. And it doesn't solve the relationship problems. It adds another. A huge one!
The truth is, if that's happening, you're probably both lonely.
Here's the way out of this.
Imagine how your partner would be if he or she were perfect for you. Write it down.
Now tell him or her what you're doing, and ask her/him to do the same.
Here's the game: over the next week you're both to secretly pick a day when you'll behave as if you were perfect for the other - but you're going to be subtle about it. Neither of you is to discuss the game for seven days.
But you are going to secretly note down when you thought your partner was trying to please you.
Exactly seven days later - to the hour - you are to compare notes.
What you'll discover is that you noticed lots of times when you thought it might be happening because you forced each other to focus on positives again!
2. Communication barriers.
Poor communication invariably causes problems in a marriage or relationship. Problems and arguments left unresolved can compound and fester when partners are either unwilling or unable to discuss these with each other.
The antidote? Well, of course, talk to each other, but that's not going to help if you're both certain that you're right and all you want to do is prove it. You'll just build up even more resentment!
If you really want to save your relationship - and steer clear of adultery - you need to let go of the idea of being right. No one has the final say on how anything should be done. Check out the world's politicians and religious leaders if you're not sure about that!
The goal is to be kind. Be allowing. Get interested in the notion that there's always another way to do something, to think about something and simply to be.
If you can do that, your partner becomes an object of fascination - a joy and a wonder, not an obstacle.
3. Lack of love and affection.
Lack of affection or love is one of the most common reasons for adultery. People will look to others when these needs are not being met by their spouse or partner.
Find out what constitutes affection - even simple acknowledgement - by your partner. I recall hearing a story where a wife was hugely insulted because her dripping wet husband did not thank her for handing him a towel in the shower.
He was actually very grateful, but he just didn't say the words out loud.
Again, communication is at the root of this.
4. A poor sexual relationship
Boredom in the bedroom will often lead to one or even both partners going off and seeking excitement and variety elsewhere.
This means quality and actually - equality. Take turns to call the shots, and get clear about what your likes and limits are - for both of you.
5. Lack of intimacy
Marriages need intimacy to survive. Without this in your marriage you may well feel unloved, rejected and unwanted.
Intimacy is of course physical, but there are many other ways to be intimate. Share laughter. Share private code words and signals like a hand gesture or an eyebrow flash that just have meaning to the two of you.
Cook together. (Give up the takeaways!) Get a joint project - like growing your own vegetables. One couple I know built a car - a real one - from a kit.
Whatever turns you on!
If you are aware of any of these issues in your own marriage read through my antidotes and address them before it's too late!
"10 Emotionally Intelligent Questions to Ask Before Your Marry Someone."
1. Is it just sexual attraction?
Sexual attraction comes from the reptilian brain and is automatic and powerful because it relates to our
survival. It's not always a basis for living with someone happily. Don't let it "hijack" you. Find out what else is there.
2. Do they like to touch and be touched?
This is important to your mental and physical health.
3. Do they look at your with affection and kindness?
Most communication is nonverbal.
4. Have you used your thinking brain?
EQ means using all 3 brains. Are you compatible in your daily habits? You'll be keeping house together. Do you have the same values and priorities?
5. Does he or she have emotional self-awareness? How are they at empathy?
One of the most predictive traits for compatibility is if you can sense the other's sadness.
6. How optimistic is this person ?
Optimism is the facilitator of all the EQ competencies. In addition, optimists live longer, enjoy better health, and accomplish more.
7. Are they intentional?
Intentionality, an EQ competency, is saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Also being accountable for the motives behind your actions. If you have commitment to the relationship, i.e., nobody's going to go away, you'll work through problems differently.
8. How resilient are they?
How do they manage adverse events and setbacks? Have they been able to grow through adversity, not just go through it?
9. How do you and your partner manage anger?
Successful couples soothe one another instead of agitating and escalating.
10. How balanced is their life?
Resilient people combine learning, work and leisure throughout their lifetime.
There are five things you can do to maximize your relationship potential and begin addressing the real cause of your difficulties. These five things will move your life in a different direction and all they take are willingness, intention, and belief to manifest in your life. These five things, although commonsense, will start changing the troublesome patterns of your life when you embrace them. They are as follows:
•FORGIVE: Allowing yourself to forgive the other person will go a long way to keeping your energy clear. Forgiveness doesn't mean we are saying that what the other person has done is acceptable. It simply means that we are no longer holding onto the energy of what they've done. If we can look at the things in life we regret having done, maybe we can understand that other people are entitled to make mistakes, even when those mistakes hurt us. Forgiveness is about allowing the other person to be who they are, and not allowing it to affect us, even when we need to separate from them because of the choices they have made.
•FORGET: Allowing ourselves to release the memory and constant affirmation of the things that trouble us really help us to stay clear. Why burden ourselves with the energy of all our past hurts and failures? When we keep these things with us, we are holding onto that energy. It will eventually become a pattern and that pattern will create a belief. This belief will shape our future events and will narrow our opportunities. Once we have a belief in place, the energy we are holding draws experiences that constantly affirms it. It then becomes very hard to create positive experiences.
•LOVE YOURSELF: It is amazingly hard for people to love themselves, especially when life has taught us that they aren't acceptable. But loving ourselves means that we want what is best for ourselves. We are less likely to draw unhealthy people and create bad relationships when supporting ourselves. Loving yourself becomes much easier when you forgive yourself and forget all the past failures of your life. It doesn't happen overnight, but it's a step in the right direction!
•EXPRESS YOURSELF: Expressing yourself is a very life-affirming action. Standing up for yourself, confronting people, discussing issues, and sharing your beliefs and experiences are all amazingly effective ways to love and approve of yourself. Speaking your truth strengthens you. This allows you to manifest more positive experiences, and people, in your life.
•FACE THE TRUTH: Be honest with yourself! Look your flaws squarely in the face and be prepared to tackle them. See others clearly without making excuses for their behavior. Trying to make the round peg fit in the square hole never works. We must face our life with honesty, integrity, and courage. Without these things, we will never improve our lives. We wont be able to make the right decisions for ourselves. We will find ourselves trying to make excuses for our alcoholic boyfriends that we are exposing our children to. We will have girlfriends who constantly take advantage and use us. If you want your situation to change, then you have to face your life honestly and see how you've created it!
relationships can be the most rewarding but also the most devastating events in your life. They are wonderful while they last but when they end it can leave you with a broken heart. Relationships ending are always going to hurt but how much they hurt depends on you. It know it sounds cliché but its true, what you do, how you feel, how you act, after a break up determines how much it hurts and how quickly you get over it. Here are some tips to ease the pain of a bad break up.
Keep Living: You have just experienced a break up and your first instinct is to spend the rest of your life in bed hoping the pain will eventually go away. Bad move, if you let yourself lay in bed you are just going to think about all the times you and your ex had together. You might be tempted to drown your sorrows in a drink, if you’re old enough, you might start looking at pictures of the two of you and a number of other debilitating habits. Either way you spin it planning to spend the rest of your life mopping in bed is the worst thing you can do after a break up.
Instead you need to keep living your life. Do things that make you happy, whether it’s seeing a movie, going to the park, spending time with your puppy, going shopping, spending time at the beach, going to a batting cage, spending a day going paintballing, whatever it is that makes you happy DO IT! Make sure that you get outside every day, go out to eat, and go out for drinks. Don’t overdo it and completely burn yourself out, just make sure that you don’t stop living your life.
Rely On Your Friends: Whatever you do DON’T PUSH YOUR FRIENDS AWAY, remember whether you’re a man or a woman relying on your friends can be one of your greatest assets after a breakup. Your friends care about you, they want to see you happy and they are going to do whatever they can to make that a reality. Some of your friends might want to talk to you about it, others are going to want to get back out there and spend time with people, whatever they feel is going to work best they are going to try. Either way at least you know that you have people who care about you and that’s bound to cheer you up.
Start A Good Habit: This isn’t to say that you don’t already have a vast array of good habits in your life it’s just saying that adding a new good habit is going to greatly improve your mood. For example if you aren’t exercising daily then you should start. Exercise isn’t just about looking good it’s about physically and mentally feeling good. When you exercise it creates feel good hormones in your body and that can contribute to a huge improvement after a breakup.
It can be any good habit, whatever you aren’t currently doing in your life. You can start eating right, start going to a walk every day at the park, perhaps even eating dinner with your family one night a week. Just like starting a good habit will help ending a bad habit will also help.
There’s Always Someone Else Out There: That might not be something you want to hear after a break up. You may have been really in love with this person and you can’t picture yourself being with anyone but them. But this is something that I have come to believe about life, you can love more than one person in your life. You could be in love as many as three or four times in your life, but I believe there is only one person who is your true love. Keep this in mind, if this last relationship didn’t work out than he/she wasn’t the one. They were one love in your life but they weren’t the one. Once you find that one than nothing could break that love; you two are meant to be together for the rest of your lives.
Remember there is always hope and you have a bright future ahead of you.
Just because this love didn’t work doesn’t mean you’re going to be alone for ever, far from it. Think of this ended relationship as a learning experience. Realize why the relationship ended, were mistakes made or was it just not meant to be? If mistakes were made learn from them so they aren’t made in the future. That way you will be stronger when your next relationship comes around. I’m going to leave you with this quote that is hard to follow but is something everyone should strive for.
Relationships are very easy to start but a long lasting relationship takes a lot of effort on your part. The main way to keep a relationship new and fresh is to keep the lines of communication open with your partner.
There are a least 7 steps to saving a relationship that you can try and I hope they help.
Be honest with the other person about how you feel about certain topics, The other person also needs to feel free to share their opinions without being ridiculed for what they believe. Support of the other persons feelings is vital but it is also a two way street.
You need to get your differences out in the open. Don’t let them become a big deal over a long time. It is completely natural for two people to have different wants and desires out of life. But those differences need to be out in the open so they can be dealt with.
Listen to your partners input about the relationship, also when a person feels they have the attention of their partner they are able to share more freely. When a person feels that the other party is not listening the lines of communication is shut down .
Encourage honesty in your relationship. Share with your partner how you feel about certain topics and avoid dishonesty, even though sometimes it may be to spare their feelings. When there is a lack of trust and honesty between two people the relationship will suffer and will eventually come to an end.
If your partner brings up a certain concern about a topic you need to take it seriously. Do not dismiss it outright, If it is significant enough to concern your partner then you need to take the matter seriously and work through the problem. If you don’t confront the matter communication may cease to exist with your partner.
Keep communication open by staying positive as much as possible. Sometimes it can be a very difficult task but it is crucial for communicating. A negative attitude leads to a negative relationship and that doesn’t benefit anybody. Good positive communication allows a relationship to grow and thrive.
Lastly and this is very important, don’t keep things bottled up inside. If you keep your true feelings and emotions closed up inside they tend to come out in a burst of anger. And believe me they will always come out at the wrong time and in the wrong place.
An unfaithful partner is hard to deal with. There are plenty of new feelings you have to encounter as you meet with the situation you’re getting into. While you may sense as though you have not manage your relationship for the moment, there are things you can do so that you get to manage your partner and make sure she will not be unfaithful to you again. And also, you can make sure she’s contented than ever before with your relationship once these changes takes place.
1) Be the man she fell in love with all over again. Does this sound familiar? When you first met, you wined and dined, bought flowers for no reason, and had no problem showing small signs of affection for your wife. You worked hard to get her attention and tried to do all kinds of fun and goofy things to make her smile. Now that you’re married, you’ve really stopped trying to impress, entertain, and/or woo your wife. She didn’t stop craving those things. You just stopped giving them to her.
2) Continue to make her laugh. She loves it when you make her laugh. It brightens up her day. Make it your job to make her laugh everyday and definitely she’ll find you irreplaceable as you are the only man who could make her laugh out loud.
3) Set example for her. Show her the qualities that you want in a partner. Tell her what you would like to happen in your relationship. Established a good example to her. Be open with the things that you would like so that your wife knows what your goals are in your relationship.
4) Make her love you more each day. Be the partner that everyone wished they have. Do things that would light up your partner’s day. Do extraordinary things that would make her fall in love with you over and over again.
Did you and your ex-recently experience a breakup that results in you constantly wondering "How to get back together with my ex?" Do you want to just jump right in and make everything right? What you are feeling is normal; however, it is important that you do not act on your emotions alone.
If you give into your feelings, you will drive your ex further away from you, which is the last thing you want to do.
When you feel yourself falling into a depressed state, you may want to keep one thing in mind. Do the opposite of everything that you feel like doing. For instance, if you feel like pleading with your ex to come back, do not do it. If you feel like calling your ex, you want to abstain from doing this. As soon as you get your emotions in check, you can then start taking steps to get back with your ex.
Step 1 – How to get back with my ex: Accepting the Breakup!
Acceptance of the breakup is key to getting back with your ex. You need to accept that the breakup has happened, and you need to let your ex know that you are okay with the breakup. This step of the process will enable both you and your ex to take some time to think over your options. If your ex truly loves you, they will find a way to get back with you.
Step 2 – How to get back with my ex: Do not contact your ex!
Right now, you need to abstain from contacting your ex for any reason. You may feel like calling your ex because you want to hear his or her voice. You may feel like calling to see how your ex is doing. Whatever the reason, it will not be to your benefit to call your ex because it will more than likely push him or her even further away.
Not contacting your ex will demonstrate that you are capable of surviving without him or her and can handle the breakup with the utmost maturity. When your ex contacts you, keep your conversations brief. Do not give too much detail about your feelings. If you feel you need to discuss your feelings, confide in a family member or close friend. Your ex does not need to know about how you feel about the breakup.
Step 3 – How to get back with my ex: Planning Ahead to Get Back Together Again
Once you have completed the two steps mentioned just above, you can start working on planning on when you should meet, where you should meet, and also what should be said when you do meet up again. This will allow you to get a better idea of whether or not your ex still loves you, and also if there is any chance that you and your ex will be able to get back together.
Working to get back with your ex is slightly more complicated than the steps outlined above. However, with time and effort, it can be done.
These simple and fun ways will help you focus on the good things in life, and will help you achieve your birthright to be happy.
1. The things you love - Every one of you have things that make you feel happy, things that you really love doing. Go do yours. Take a dance lesson, watch a comedy show, go to the cinema, play the piano, eat a gourmet dinner, anything that makes you feel happy and great.
2. Treats - Treat yourself to a pleasure - you deserve it.Take a bath, have a massage, do a pedicure, eat a good healthy meal and enjoy it. Give yourself a gift and treat yourself with love.
3. People - Spend time with people you love, spend time with people who are happy and have good energy, join a group of people who share the same interests as you do.Spend time with highly motivated people who can uplift you and motivate you.
4. Music - Listen to good and uplifting music, music that makes you happy, music of the kind that as you listen to it, takes your soul to a place that wants to dance.music that makes you enjoy every minute.Increase the amount of music in your life and you will enjoy your lives immensely.
5. Television - Choose to watch good TV. TV that raises your spirit and makes you smile, you can choose to watch some kind of a comedy show, or perhaps a documentary about famous leaders, people who have made it to the top of their achievements.
6. News - Stop watching the news. Who needs to listen to the news dozens of times a day?No one, it's just a waste of time. Choose doing something better with your time.
7. Magazines - Subscribe to inspiring magazines, in print or online, there is a great variety to choose from. Subscribe to newsletter that focuses on good and happy things. Enrich your world with things that will nurture you.
8. Internet - Make your Internet homepage one of a good website.There are so many great websites that focus on good things, Google the word happiness or joy, find a website you like and make it your homepage.
9. Events - Go to inspiring and uplifting events, attend a workshop or a lecture about the things you love or the things you want to achieve, go to a party. Go to events that are for your highest good, it will benefit you and you will meet lovely people.
10. Photographs - Open your photo album and take out the photos that best capture the joyful moments in your life. Find a way to display your favorite photos in a place where you can see them all the time.It's a great way to focus on the happy times you have experienced in your life.
11. Movies - Watch inspiring movies, movies that are filled with love and serenity,watch funny movies that makes you laugh, take your family and go watch a Disney Pixar movie, these movies are great way to have fun and spend time with family, friends and even by with yourself.
12. Books - Books can be a great source of inspiration and motivation. Read books about people who succeeded in the area, in which you want to succeed, read great men/women biographies, read self-help books. Choose to read whatever serves your highest good.
13. Radio - Listen to good radio shows, I highly recommend Hay house Radio, or Opera Radio.
14. The happy journal - Buy yourself a notebook and write in it every day/week all the great things that happened to you during that day/week. It is very powerful and it will help you focus on the good things in your life.
15. Letters and emails - Send yourself an email or a letter, saying to yourself how wonderful and great you are. Send yourself reminder that you are important and that it is time to do something to enhance your happiness.
16. Physical activity - Do some kind of physical activity, like: power walk, run, dance, and swim, find the type of exercise you like.You will feel and be more energetic, more vital, and healthier.
17. Food - Eat healthy good food, which will nurture your body with good ingredients, so you will be healthier and have more vitality.
18. Good Morning - Open the Day with things that raise your Spirits. Pray and think of the great day you are about to have, imagining yourself doing things you love. Give thanks about the good things you are blessed with. Play some music and dance for few minutes, read a chapter from your inspiring book, or your magazine, anything to open the day focusing on the good side of life. You will notice how your days will suddenly turn good.
19. Good Night - Fall asleep with something relaxing, and it better be positive. Meditation or a relaxing music can be great ways to close the day. Your sleep will improve tremendously and will be deeper and more relaxing.
20. Compliments - Compliment yourself for taking control of your life and for doing all these things that enhance your happiness. You are an amazing lovable person and you deserve to be happy.
21. Pay it forward - Last but not list; send this to your family and friends, so they can enhance their happiness too. These things are so fun, simple and easy to do.
Doing these things will help you focus on Goodness, Love, Joy, Abundance, Growth, Health, Happiness, Wealth, Pleasure,Success, Fulfillment, Wholeness, Peace, Openness, Friendship, Family, Beauty, Excitement, Power, Creativity, Inspiration, Courage, Awareness, Fun, Celebration and more.
So you're in a relationship and your woman starts nagging. She tells you that you just don't understand her, and that she really wishes that you would just do more “little things.”
It's not the big things that make women happy, it's paying attention to the little details and showing you care that is really meaningful to them. Women are really simple. They don't need lavish gifts – they need to know you're thinking about them.
Here are some ideas to get you started doing these “little things” your woman really wants:
1. Rub her feet instead of asking her if she wants you to rub her feet. Make it look like you want to do it.
2. Make her dinner one night instead of having her make you dinner. Don't ask her if she wants you to make dinner. Make her dinner before she gets home.
3. Open the bottle of wine instead of sitting there on the couch waiting for her to open it. Get up and open it yourself.
4. Light the candle so that she arrives home to a nice environment instead of coming home to the glaring lights of the television and other things.
5. Send her a text in the middle of the day telling her “I miss your smile from this morning” or “Last night was amazing!” or “The conversation we had last night was great.”
6. Send a free ecard in the middle of the day . . . something cute to remind her how much you really care about her.
7. If she's going on a business trip, offer to drive her to the airport or pick her up to make her life that much easier.
8. Let her have control of the remote control. Don't monopolize it for a change. Just give it to her and let her actually sit there and enjoying watching one of her shows. Then you can share one of her interests by watching it with her.
9. Offer to iron one of her shirts or take her clothes to the dry cleaner instead of her being your live-in maid.
10. Clean up the bathroom without being asked. Don't just sit there and ignore the mess around the toilet – Clean it up! Clean up. If you know it drives her crazy to see water splashed all around the sink, dry that area after you use it.
11. If you work out together, offer to train her instead of rushing through your own workout and then not letting her workout at the same time.
12. Take a shower together, then wash her hair, scrub her back and give her a spa treatment. Do this and enjoy it!
13. The next time she gives you a massage, give her a massage the next day. Offer it! Don't just say you'll give her a massage . . . do it!
14. Surprise her by making plans. Tell her “We're going out tonight honey.” You can even just go out for a drink or dinner somewhere. It's taking the initiative that's important.
15. Decide on and set aside one night a week as date night. Have a date like when you first started dating.
16. Call her in the middle of the day and just say hello. Don't wait for her to call you.
It's very simple to keep women satisfied. It's not about what you give them financially or what gifts you give them. That's a cop out. It's the little things. The guys who make the biggest mistake are the ones who ignore their woman then all of a sudden give them an expensive gift to make up for it. That doesn't make up for it at all.
No matter how hard a couple tries to restrict itself within the precincts of the relationship, their is still straying. It is really difficult to come across a perfect relationship. Are there genuine reasons why partners are unfaithful? In order to sample diverse sexual experiences, spouses will have varied and different partners. It is a major reason why partners are unfaithful. A married person without a glint of guilt will leave the matrimonial bed and sleep in many different and strange beds. A man is genetically polygamous and sometimes these explains his promiscuity. A couple will stray out of the relationship for more sex. If sex is inadequate in the relationship and either of the couple is feeling short changed, they solicit for sex outside the relationship. Sexual starvation in a relationship is an answer as to why partners are unfaithful. They go foraging for more sex.
Some people just want to stroke their ego and feel good and special. They want to reassure themselves that they are still attractive even after many years of married life. It is strange why partners are unfaithful. Nothing beats the thrill in the chase before a woman submits and yields to a man's sexual advances. A spouse especially a man is ready to pay any price if only to enjoy and bask in the laurels of the chase. You are still asking why partners are unfaithful? In order to woo, cajole, coarse and convince an unwilling and hesitant damsel into bed. A spouse wants to sabotage the relationship and their is no better way of doing it than cheating. There is no better way of explaining why partners are unfaithful. A spouse who is looking for a genuine avenue in which to quit the relationship.
Opportunistic sex sounds too good a deal to let go. When an enticing opportunity presents itself, all caution is thrown to the wind. A spouse seizes such an opportunity in order to have either one night stand or a quickie. "So long as my partner does not come to know of it", they reason. You want to know why partners are unfaithful? To escape. Escapism from social responsibilities and obligations from the family. A spouse seeks refuge in another person when things are not going very well in the relationship. A woman seeks out a man who can dutifully lend her an ear and listen to her. It is her weakest moment and the man seizes the opportunity.
Revenge is a good reason why partners are unfaithful. A spouse wants to get even with a partner for one varied reason or another. A spouse might feel short changed after the other partner has cheated on him/her. There is no better way of getting even with a sweet revenge than giving the other partner a taste of the same medicine. Sexual addiction is a killer when it comes to cheating. It is a major reason why partners become unfaithful. A sex addict can never find sexual gratification in one partner. A sex addict is a nymphomaniac and the fire in his or her groin is unsatisfiable. A spouse more commonly a man believes they are entitled to sexual exploits. By the mere fact that they are the bread winners in the family, they have a right to enjoy themselves sexually outside the relationship.
The series of emotions you go through after the breakup of a close relationship are a lot like those you suffer through after the death of a loved one. Although the intensity of these emotions depends a great deal on how deeply you were involved with your ex, the stages remain the same. Don't worry; it is possible to survive the emotions and come out of your grief stronger and wiser than you entered it.
Getting through a breakup is a process that should be taken step by step. Knowing these steps will make it possible for you to gauge your progress and perhaps help you get through it just a bit quicker. Here are the five stages of grief you may experience after a breakup.
Denial - This is your brain's normal reaction to news it really does not want to hear. By denying what you know to be true, you may give your heart some time to catch up to the reality of the situation. The length of this stage varies from case to case, but it should not go on for too long. It is important to get past this stage as quickly as possible so that you can move on to healing.
Anger - This is a normal evolution of the previous stage. As you begin to accept the breakup as real, you may feel rage towards the person who caused you such pain. Although the urge to hurt your ex back may be very strong, that is not the solution to the problem, especially if you want to hold onto the hope of reconciliation.
Make A Deal - At this point, you may be willing to offer anything to get your ex back. Don't do it. Begging and pleading will not bring your ex back and you may really damage your self-esteem in the process.
Depression- This is the stage where the sadness settles in. It may feel like you are never going to be happy again and you may not even want to try to make yourself feel better. This is the time you need to call your friends and family and keep yourself busy. You must believe that you will heal and that you will love again.
Acceptance - This is the stage where you realize that you are going to be okay. It does not mean that the pain has gone away completely, just that you now have it under control. Now you are ready to move on with your life after the breakup.
"The meaning of things lies not in the things themselves, but in our attitude towards them," - Antoine de Saint-Exupery.
A simple, almost trivial, yet immensely powerful way to empower every relationship you have is to change just one habit. The Habit of the First Meaning. What is the first place that you look for the meaning to understand what people do and say? Compare these pairs of actions and responses:
I smile. - You respond: "Are you laughing at me?"
I speak with a raised voice. - You respond: "Stop yelling at me."
I turn away. - You respond: "Are you ignoring me?"
I hold a steady gaze. - You respond: "Are you trying to stare me down?"
I say: "I want to spend the evening by myself." - You respond: "Are you tired of me?"
to these pairs of same actions and different responses:
I smile. - You respond: "Are you happy to see me?"
I speak with a raised voice. - You respond: "You feel so passionate about this!"
I turn away. - You respond: "Is that the cat joining us again?"
I hold a steady gaze. - You respond: "You are very much interested in what I'm saying, aren't you?"
I say: "I want to spend the evening by myself." - You respond: "You must have worked hard today and need some quite time."
For the first set of responses, you searched for the meaning of actions and words on the dark side. For the second, - on the light side. Most of us have habitual patterns in how we understand things - either we look first on the dark side or on the light side.
If you tend to look first for the dark side meaning using the question: "How can this be a problem?", then it might be really difficult to be in a long relationship with you. People with the dark side meaning habit are high maintenance and use up a lot of energy, their own and everyone else's. Once on the dark side path, you feel vested in it, and it is hard to reverse it. So you might spend hours rescuing the relationship from ever present dark side traps. (Have you ever had it happen when a sincere comment like "You look lovely tonight, honey," degenerated into a three hour ride through the relationship abyss?)
On the other hand, if your first impulse is to look for the light side meaning using the question: "What are just a few positive meanings of this event?", then other people will find you uplifting and energetic. And easy to be friends with and to love. You of course would reserve the right to change the meaning you had chosen as more evidence becomes available. (E.g. if your friend pushes you after speaking with a raised voice, then perhaps he really was yelling at you.)
At this point, a word of caution is in order - you might be tempted to think that the Habit of the First Meaning is obvious and simple. Yet, don't let the appearance fool you - like all in science, the more profound is the truth, the more obvious it sounds. You might think: "Sure, I am on the light side." Truth be told, most people are habituated to getting lost on the dark side.
Why do some people prefer to look first for dark meanings? After asking many people this question, it is clear that the predominant reason is to avoid being hurt. And that does make sense, doesn't it? If I first think of a really bad explanation and imagine it vividly, then whatever happens will be on the bright side. As Mark Twain said: "I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened."
So, the habit has served a useful purpose of protecting. And just like an overzealous parent who doesn't yet realize that the child has grown and is ready to step out on his own, the habit built up during earlier formative years is still here holding you back. Some people choose to live forever with their parents never adventuring out into the world - always holding back until the doors of their house rust shut forever. But most of us now find the right time to move on and while honoring our parents search for new ways to express ourselves. Step by step allowing ourselves even if temporarily to test new ways of the light side by asking "What could be the positive meaning behind these words and actions?" And opening up to the delight of immediately noticing so much light in actions and words of others. Wouldn't that be lovely?
Pause for a moment to think now of something that happened to you last week that you didn't like. And ask yourself: "What positive meanings could have I thought of back then?" A seemingly trivial question like that can often immediately heal hurt and anger. Now imagine a similar time in the near future when you will have a chance to practice the light side meaning. Get a good sense for how that will change how you feel and the whole interaction, and how differently people will react to you. And every time you communicate with people now, begin noticing how light the world becomes with one simple question.
I would like to discuss another reason why many people are set up for failure. It's because they don't love what they're doing.
To succeed in any endeavor, you must venture into one that you love doing or something that you're good or skilled at.
That doesn't mean you have to quit your job if you're not satisfied with it, but use it as a temporary channel to help you arrive at your desired destination.
For example, you can think of creative ways to make your hobby a lucrative business or occupation. You can do this part-time while still being employed.
Instead of watching TV, chatting nonsense, or drinking at the bar, use your time productively. Read books, listen to audios, attend seminars or classes, or do anything that will propel you forward to your goal. Aim to be more efficient than you can ever be. Brainstorming, or even just discussing, with people who are well-versed in the field of your interest can be very helpful.
Don't get stuck in a life with no direction or purpose. Step out of your comfort zone and just do it. The sense of achievement is an awesome feeling.
Here's another piece of advice:
Don't get stressed out over things you have no control of. If you guess that something undesirable will happen in the future, think of ways to solve the problem rather than worry about it. As the saying goes, "Focus on the solution, and not on the problem."
Center your attention on the things that you can change or control. You can do it.
In general, men are looking first for physical attraction at a woman. Many of them consider that if she is beautiful and well dressed, its the perfect partner they are looking for. But they don't know that behind this appearance its hiding something worst.
Maybe this happened to you too. After you began a relationship with her you found out that she is not exactly what you want and what you expect. She hurt you and dumped you when you last expected. Many men are chasing after a woman who lied them and used them. But, in order to stop this, you should know from the beginning which types of girls you should avoid for to not be hurt again.
-it is the type of the girl who spend all her life laid out, looking for a perfect life, and suddenly she discover that she gets old and she doesn't get married yet because she hasn't met the perfect man for her
-she wants desperately to get married no matter who the guy is or what he does
-she is pressed by the time and is ready to marry with a jerk as long as he has marriage material
-watch out because if you marry one of this, you have to spend the rest of your life with her
-usually is good looking and well dressed
-is looking very well outside but inside it is a bunch of money hungry taker
-she is looking all the time after boys which are staying very well with their wallet
-she expects that a man should finance her entire life just because she is biologically female
-she is very friendly, nice at the beginning but after some time you'll see that no matter how much you give her, she wants more
-she is greed personified
-she is interested only in what she wants and not others feelings
-stay away from this kind of girl because she will dumped you after she spend all your money
-she is the type of the girl which sees life like a battle
-anything what is happening or is told to her is seen as a insult at her address
-has also a bad opinion about man, sees only the wrong sides of a man
-she is always upset and angry
-usually she likes to take out of context everything what is said to her and to interpret the words like she wants
-you don't have any future with her, she has a simmering anger at men which can explode at any moment
-she is very nice and treats men very well
-but she suffers by frustration
-is wracked by anxiety about making the wrong decision
-she has to think twice about what to do, what to wear, where to go, what to eat
-she needs constant reassurance that she's attractive and worries incessantly
-this type of girl likes to speak a lot but she doesn't say nothing smart
-she likes to say always gossips about the others, but when you want to talk something important with her, she is not able to make conversation
-she is very rich
-everything she has is better than yours and she wants to make sure that you know it
-she only dates the best of best
-is entirely focused on herself
-she is very selfish, self-indulgent grown up as '' daddy's little girl''
-needs to be constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes
-everything in life hurts this kind of girl
-is the type of girl who cries a lot, every innocent comment or criticism will upset her
-avoid this kind of girl because if you are dating one you will have to spend all the time apologizing even if you didn't make any mistake
-avoid also long term relationship with her because she is capable of suicide if you want to leave her and all the blame will be thrown on yourself
Elusive girl -is the type of girl who is afraid to start a relationship
-she might be hurt in a past relationship and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present
-she look interested at the beginning but after a while she runs away
-is the type of girl who likes to send mixed messages so you'll never understand her
Talking girl -it is a big difference between somebody who is able to make good conversation and have sense of humor , and somebody who always have to make a comment about everything
-it is the type which is very hard to please and always has to say something about everything is happening or speaking around her
Romantic girl -this lives in her own world, of movies and romance novels
-she is very dreamy, imagining things, expecting Prince Charming to come after her
-she doesn't know how the real world is
-she was grown with the idea that she is a princess
Dragger girl -this kind of girl will always make you feel bad even there is no reason to feel that
-it is always worrying and she can never be happy, everything around her is a total drag
-even if a wonderful thing happen to you, she will make you feel like it was the worst thing that could happen ever
Controlling girl -she likes to have the total control in your relationship and on you too
-wants to control you in everything you do, you wear or eat
-if you try to control her too, she will get angry, cry, scream or use any deceptive female tactic until you give up
Flirting girl -she flirts with anybody and flaunt her sexuality at every opportunity
-has a big power of attraction
-exist the risk to dump you in any moment if somebody better comes along
With all these types of girls you should avoid, it is now more easy for you to make a good choice about your next girlfriend; but remember that not all the women are the same, maybe there is somewhere a good, carrying woman just for you.
To any guy – especially one who has never dated women before, the first date can be very awkward. Awkward in the sense that not only you but your dating partner is feeling just as nervous as well. Especially since both of you are trying too hard to create a good first impression on each other.
If keep the conversation flowing in the first date is a problem, the chances of you dating your partner the second time will be extremely slim. So to prevent that from happening, it is critical to create a spark that will make this encounter unforgettable and not the other way round.
Here are 2 essential ways to keep your first date conversation ongoing.
The first way is to ask questions. As a guy, you should take the initiative. Begin by asking what she work as, her family background and hobbies during free time. Based on what she tells you, you will know more about her and maybe have an idea on how to make your second date better.
You need to be attentive when she tells you about herself. Please do not yawn or get distracted by another beautiful lady as most women do not like that. If she tells you something you also like, give positive comments.
By asking questions, you control the conversation. So please use this to your advantage.
Make Her Laugh Or Smile
The second way is to make her laugh or smile. By doing so, you can remove all the tension and nervousness between you and her.
If you are not good in jokes, go to the bookstore or online and read about them. Once you succeeded in breaking the ice and injected her with humour, she will immediately see you as a charming guy and want to ask you out again.
Are you a single man looking for a girlfriend? There are some who want to play the field but most single men want a steady relationship with a woman. Is that what you want too? Are you one who considers that it is important to have a special and exclusive woman in your life? You can follow some steps to have more chances of meeting that exclusive woman to date.
1. This is one of the best things you can do to find the girl of your dream. Check and enjoy your life first. If you are contented with whom you are and what you have then you are happy; your tendency is to look for a woman with the same quality as yours. This way of finding the right qualities of a woman will pay off later in a relationship.
2. Socializing is a good way to meet people. Family and friends gatherings are places where you can meet new acquaintances, increase the number of woman friends and make your social circle larger. That will provide a greater number to choose from to get out on a date. You can also increase the possibility on finding someone with the same interest and taste as yours. Having things in common is a good factor.
3. Try to take time dating different women. That is not because you want to play around but to find the right fit for you and vice versa. By dating different women you can learn their qualities, goals, interests, desires and needs that you will be better equipped to understand how to choose the woman to be your partner.
4. Make it different from ordinary. After choosing a date, you may want o deviate from the usual classic films, visit to the museum or dinner at a classy restaurant. It?s more memorable to have a dinner at your place with candlelight and flowers on the table. Imagine a different approach from what women are used to; things that she will remember long enough to look forward to the next date with you.
5. Take the initiative to end the day. At the start of your dating, don?t wait for her to tell you that it?s time for her to go. Instead do it while the date is still on high note by saying?? I hate to end the day because you are having a great time but it?s getting late.? This will come up a surprise to her because most guys would hang up until they end with more serious business, you know what!
If you end the date before she does, you make yourself different from others. You will continue to have control on the date and over her. You make yourself hard to get and that?s intriguing to a woman. It shows that you are not desperate for action in bed. And she would think that there are other women in your life so she needs to work harder to get you.
And finally, you may want to get on online dating for single men which is an extremely safe way to meet potential matches; without getting to know each other in person. It will make you feel comfortable and allows you to be more selective in the process of finding the perfect match to date.